MY TRIGGER WARNING EATING DISORDER

Hello, it's been a long time when I open this blog again. I was 21th when I understood about my condition. exactly, I was bulimic, anorexic and.... a new supricing disorder. BINGE EATING DISORDER. Fuck those up. I don't know when it started. it think it begin when I enter the new university. The Institute was the number one in my country. I thought it was better than my last university. The first university is in my hometown, I'm in chemical engineering. I thought it was stressed, more than I know for my entire live.  I DON'T LOVE MY SELF FOR REAL. I do the self harming. God damn! those people in internet says that "YOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPY". for before, I realize that I've been happy for so long but I'm realize for all the time. fuck, it's not me. who typing this story, my live was changed directly such as night become morning. SHIT. this time while I typing this story, I don't know how much I hate my self. I need to be streched my hand by cutter. looked up the blood flow into my fat hand. how much I want to see my fat under my skin as yellow as I see in the internet. So I can pick them up and use for my experiment. but in fact, I'M NOT DO THAT. FUCK. how much I want to be an anorexic people. to be a part of them properly. how I hate everything what I eat, but those fucking food seems to delicious. I want to not eating for a month, so my whole family did not said to me "HEY, ARE YOU GAIN WEIGHT? NICE. IT'S NICE TO YOU" I hate those so much. FUCK. what the hell is happening this day, I NEED TO START AGAIN. PLEASE MY MIND, BACK ON TRACK. YOU CHOOSE THIS WAY IMMEDIATELY, SO THEY DIDN'T SAYS TO YOU.... ARE YOU GAIN WEIGHT.... SHIT SHIT SHIT.

The fact is, my mind still thinking around about suicide...

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